Responsibility

By Terra DeFoe, employed single mother of two living in Detroit and an ordained minister

As a 35 year-old single mother working and living in Detroit, I’ve experienced first hand the turning point I thought I would never experience—a man’s world becoming a woman’s nation. I was raised with an understanding that men held high-powered positions and took care of their families. That’s what men were supposed to do. But I learned very quickly that wasn't the case at all! While men today are allowed to walk away from their responsibilities, women will do whatever it takes to provide and care for their households.

When I was a younger, I dreamed I would one day meet the man of my dreams and I would be financially stable. I thought "two would be better than one." But I learned the hard way that not everyone marries for the right reasons or is committed to making a marriage work. After my divorce in 2003, I struggled to live independently with my two young children. I had to make sure I would be able to provide them with the best quality of life.

I returned to school and obtained my degree in paralegal studies. I've always loved the law and dreamed of one day becoming an attorney to advocate for abused and neglected children after suffering sexual abuse by my father during my childhood. I knew that a degree in the legal field would allow me the opportunity to help other women and obtain a job that would help me support my family. But little did I know that my skill would enable me to work in various positions in state and local government. My new skills jump-started a great career.

But living in Detroit as a working mom amid our changing economy isn't easy. I watched as the economy here plunged, and then plunged even faster! Political corruption. Massive job losses. Sweeping home foreclosures. A downsized public school system. I had to work hard, gain respect, and receive the work experience I needed to stay employed. I had to change gears continually, and then change careers after being laid off.

It was very hard to face my family, friends and most of all, my children. I had to explain to them why they needed to take the bus to school because I couldn’t afford the gas. I had to explain why I could no longer afford to buy designer clothes, but to teenagers, that’s very hard to explain. Experiencing those tough times made me stronger. It made me think outside the box and my limited budget. I used what I learned working for a law office to teach faith- and community-based groups how to develop programs and document processing and became an Ordained Minister.

I turned my painful experience of childhood abuse into a healing source for other women and young girls who had experienced the same thing. Although I battled emotionally in silence, I didn't let my past keep me from moving forward. After volunteering in various youth homes speaking to young girls, I saw that as I shared my story many of the young girls and women became confident themselves. I share this with others all the time: "What you make happen for someone else, God will make happen for you".

Today, I continue to work as a advocate for abused and neglected children, speaking before women groups and at youth homes to young girls, letting them know that they can do whatever they put their minds to. I share with them to press past the pain and to aim high. I encourage them to connect with other woman as a support to help them get through the hard times.

So what does “A Woman’s Nation” means to me? It means women are forced to do what they need to do to make sure things keep going. It means women are willing to step up to the plate and work 15 hours a day to make sure their children receive some sort of quality of life. It means we are smart, resourceful and supportive. We will stand by others to help and assist at anytime. We will network to make sure that another woman is able to be safe and secure.

Living in a woman’s nation makes me feel empowered to aim high and dream large because we are stronger than we think.